Saturday, August 23, 2014

I'm Back

My life has been a whirlwind since the day I left home for college.

Most everyone says the same about his or her own life as well. Most of us are perpetually busy, running around from one activity to the next, one friend or family member to the next, one season of life to next. I guess it is a reality that we all are forced to live with. Time is fleeting and seasons often come and go so quickly.

These most formative years of my life from teens, to early twenties, to mid twenties have been such a blur at times, filtered with the faces of so many different people and backdrops. From college, to young professional life, to graduate school on the other side of the country (in the most ambitious city in the country), with various domestic and international travels thrown in between, it has been much to take in. San Diego beaches, to windy back country roads, to desert mountains and a place called Riverside where (ironically) no river actually exists today. Suburbs to New York City.  College dorm built in 1959 to 4th floor Florence walk up built hundreds of years ago. Bedroom window views of palm trees, to a narrow Italian street, to skyscrapers, to the house across the street. My parents’ neighborhood park, to Central Park, to St. Stephen’s Green, and back to Central Park again. It has all come full circle now. It is not until I take a conscious step back to reflect and remember and take a good loooooong gaze at the bigger picture that I truly see the fullness of its beauty. What an absolute blessing of a life I have truly been given. Words cannot even begin to describe my gratitude.

I’m home now. Home again after eight years of coming and going and living out various seasons of life in different places, surrounded by many different faces. I have been hibernating since I have returned—trying to put the puzzle pieces together and make sense out of where I have been, where I am now, and where I am going, as well as who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. My surroundings may now look the same as before, but one thing is certain: I am not the same.

In the process of this reflection and God’s healing touch, difficult and challenging situations that I have gone through these past eight years have faded to the background now and the beauty of these years light up my mind’s sky like the Fourth of July.


That is the only word that comes to my mind when I reflect on these most formative years of my life. It has been brilliant. It has been messy. It has been absolutely fabulous, and at times heart wrenching. It has often been propelled forward with strong self-confidence and held back at times held back by fear.

It. Is. Life.

I would not want it any other way. All of it has brought me to this point that I find myself now: Authentically becoming my truest self; self-actualized and standing on the edge of a massive precipice. Before me is a future that could go in many different directions. The puzzle pieces, slowly but surly are coming together and will continue to come to together, but the timetable is not my own. Through this much needed summer of rest, I am learning even more so to have an eye for the appreciation and enjoyment of the simple pleasures in life, which truly are, indeed, the finest. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and I am no longer in a rush to get to wherever it is that I am trying to go.

Whirlwind no more; at least that is my goal. Throughout this process, I’ve learned to be authentic and I am learning to be more and more intentional with my life. I’ve been on such a pensive journey of self-discovery, especially these past six months that at times it has felt overwhelming. Much has been unknown. But one thing I have learned and treasured for most of my life:

I don’t run away from the unknown of my life.

I run toward the unknown of my life and celebrate it.

The unknown leaves wide open doors for so many possibilities and so many dreams.

Embrace it.

Embrace the process of life and self-actualization. Let it unfold naturally in peace.

Day by day. Week by week. Season by season. Year by year.

Whatever it has been, whatever is now, and whatever it is to become.

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